Monday 10 March 2014

Russian Salami Tactics

Government Chief Scientific Adviser: Prime Minister, you believe in the nuclear deterrent? 
Jim Hacker: Oh, yes.
CSA: Why? 
Hacker: Pardon? 
CSA: Why? 
Hacker: Because it deters.
CSA: Whom? 
Hacker: Pardon? 
CSA: Whom? Whom does it deter? 
Hacker: The Russians from attacking us. 
CSA: Why? 
Hacker: Pardon? 
CSA: Why? 
Hacker: They know if they launched an attack, I'd press the button. 
CSA: You would? 
Hacker: Well, wouldn't I? 
CSA: Well, would you? 
Hacker: At the last resort, yes, I certainly would... Well, I think I certainly would. Yes. 
CSA: And what is the last resort? 
Hacker: If the Russians invaded western Europe. 
CSA: You only have 12 hours to decide, so you're saying the last resort is the first response? 
Hacker: Am I? 
CSA: You don't need to worry. Why should the Russians annex the whole of Europe? They can't even control Afghanistan. No, if they try anything, it will be salami tactics. 
Hacker: Salami tactics? 
CSA: Slice by slice. One small piece at a time... So will you press the button if they invade West Berlin?
Hacker: It all depends.
CSA On what? No... Scenario one. Riots in West Berlin, buildings in flames. East German fire brigade crosses the border to help. Would you press the button...? 
Hacker: *Shakes head* 
CSA: The East German police come with them. The button...? 
Hacker: *Shakes head* 
CSA: Then some troops, more troops just for riot control, they say. And then the East German troops are replaced by Russian troops. Button...?
Hacker: *Shakes head* 
CSA: Then the Russian troops don't go. They are invited to stay to support civilian administration. The civilian administration closes roads and Tempelhof Airport. Now you press the button? 
Hacker: I need time to think about it. 
CSA: You have 12 hours. 
Hacker: Have I? You're inventing this.
CSA: You are Prime Minister today. The phone might ring now from NATO HQ. 
*PHONE RINGS* 
Bernard: Hello...? Yes. NATO HQ, Prime Minister. 
Hacker: *Looks ashen*
Bernard: Can you address their annual conference in April? 
Hacker: I thought I could... I'm not so sure now.

Yes Prime Minister, "The Grand Design", aired 9th Jan 1986.

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