Now you've recovered a bit, let me apologise for giving you the nightmarish reminder of his existence. Unfortunately, this post is about him.
More directly, it is about how the ticking time bomb he built into the education system have begun to detonate.
Amazing as it seems, Gove actually ceased to be Education Secretary back in 2014. Since then, he has been Conservative Chief Whip (remember the time he got locked in the toilet?!), Justice Secretary, and is currently in charge of the department of the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. Along the way, he helped to put a bomb under the political stability of the country by campaigning for Brexit, decried the existence of experts, and even launched a long shot bid for the premiership, which luckily failed, and even more luckily stopped the country being lumbered with Boris Johnson as the Prime Minister.
But it is for his time in charge of Britain's schools that he will be most remembered. And his education legacy is only now coming home to roost. For every major subject other than English and maths, 2018 marks the rolling out of the new GCSEs. These were revamped, largely due to concerns over 'dumbing down' (politically motivated criticisms, rather than being based on any actual evidence). There has been a reduction in modular assessment, and the focus is now on big exams at the end of two years. Coursework, or controlled assessment (research projects done under exam conditions) have been abolished for everything apart from where it was clearly essential, like art and technology.
I really don't want to get into the merits of the old GCSE vs the new, and how GCSEs compare to the systems that came before them. They're complex issues, and I'm not sure what my view on that debate is.
What I do have very strong views on are the new GCSEs. In particular, the pressure they are putting on teenagers up and down the country. And I know this because I see it, every working day. The looks on the faces of children that haven't slept properly in weeks. Who are still being dragged into school and sat through revision lessons, often long after the end of the school day, because there is so much to get them to remember. The looks of people who have to commit pages of mathematical and scientific formulae to heart, as well as twenty poems, a novel or two, and have a level of knowledge of English grammar that is just mind boggling. And that's just the core subjects of English, maths and science.
Let's take the subject I know best, history. Before this year, the history GCSE consisted of three elements; a piece of coursework, and two exams. This year, it is four elements, which doesn't sound like too bad an increase. But all four elements are now examined, in two exams of 1 hour 45 minutes each. Students in the GCSE history exams next week are getting four booklets of paper for one exam. Do you remember those exam desks?! They couldn't even fit one sheet of paper on!
And that's before we get to the content. I often look at the specification for history and wonder if I would be able to get a grade 9. And I have two history degrees and a number of years experience teaching students.
If this exam system was preparing people for the world of work, that'd be fine. If it was promoting a love of learning, and increasing genuine passion for these subjects, fine. It is achieving none of these things. No wonder exam related stress and anxiety are reaching unprecedented levels. The behaviour of the Y11s at my school has nosedived. It really is easy to see why.
I sat GCSEs in 2005 and 2006 (thanks French for complicating that.) They were not easy. I remember them being incredibly tough and stressful. And they had nothing on what these poor young people are going through. Anyone who smugly thinks 'well, they're just moaning/snowflakes/I did it and it did me no harm' should be forced to undergo the entire new GCSE experience and see how they'd cope. I don't think it would be pretty.
2018 will be the first of many years of stress and anxiety far beyond anything seen before in education, and far beyond what any child should have to endure.
And it can all be laid at the door of one man.
Thanks, Michael Gove. You are generating misery for no readily apparent gain. I hope you're really happy.
