Mutinous Army, Treacherous Conservatives

Britain stands on the brink of civil war. After decades of campaigning, a region of the country is about to be granted limited autonomy. However, sections of the population within that area, who oppose any extra powers, are so furious with the decision they create their own army to oppose any attempt by the government to enforce the law. This army begins buying weapons from a foreign country, which would love to see Britain divided. They are also egged on by the Conservative party, which is still reeling from successive general election defeats and looking for any way it can to frustrate the government of the day. In response, those campaigning for autonomy also begin to arm.

The government is in a corner; it would love to bury it's head in the sand and make it all go away, but is dependent on the support of MPs in favour of autonomy in order to survive in a hung parliament. The Prime Minister orders the army to prepare to disarm those trying to prevent the law coming into force. Senior army officers, encouraged by the Conservative party leadership, offer their junior officers a choice as to whether they will carry out these orders if conflict erupts. Somewhere between 60 and 100 resign rather than carry out their orders.

This sounds like the plot of a dystopian novel, or something from a new TV series on Sky Atlantic, or the direst of Daily Mail predictions on Scottish independence. But it isn't. This is what was playing out in the United Kingdom, one hundred years ago this week. The region is Ireland, with the Liberal government of Herbert Asquith struggling to enforce the Home Rule Act in the face of determined opposition from Ulster Unionists and the Conservative Party. German weapons and munitions were supplying both the Irish Nationalists and the Ulster Unionists, and German military circles took note at the crisis within the British army.

Asquith was forced into a humiliating climbdown. The orders to march on Ulster were never given. The Home Rule Act was later suspended pending the conclusion of the First World War. Ulster was successful in staying out of an autonomous Ireland, whilst the rest of Ireland rejected the union with Britain, instead becoming an independent nation.

It's hard to reach a balanced conclusion on this one, historians have certainly struggled; so I'll go the whole hog and give my personal opinion. The army had refused to carry out a lawful order from it's civilian bosses; that is mutiny. It had also become unacceptably politicised. The Ulster Unionists were entering into armed rebellion against the elected government to prevent it from enforcing the law, and the Conservative party was actively encouraging it. In my books, there is a crime which fits that bill, and yes it is an antiquated one, but nevertheless...: treason.

The Prophecies of... Yes Prime Minister

Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, once you start interfering in the internal squabbles of other countries, you're on a very slippery slope.

Jim Hacker: That's what the Foreign Secretary said. 

Sir Humphrey: Extraordinary. 

Hacker: Then there's the U.N. vote on Israel tonight. The Americans want us to abstain. 

Sir Humphrey: It's a question of maintaining our relationship with the Arabs... The power of Islam... Oil supplies. 

Hacker: I'm talking about what's right and wrong. 

Sir Humphrey: Well, don't let the Foreign Office hear you... If you insist on an even-handed approach, the Foreign Office might agree to abstaining, so long as you authorise our man there to make a powerful speech attacking Zionism.
Hacker: Surely we should promote peace, harmony, goodwill?
Sir Humphrey: Well, it would be most unusual. The U.N. is the accepted forum for the expression of international hatred.
Hacker: And defending democracy on St George's?
Sir Humphrey: Not if it harms us by upsetting our friends.
Hacker: Britain should not support law and justice?
Sir Humphrey: Of course we should. We just shouldn't let it affect our foreign policy, that's all.
Hacker: We must fight for the weak against the strong.
Sir Humphrey: Then send troops to Afghanistan to fight the Russians.
Hacker: ...The Russians are too strong.

Yes Prime Minister, "A Victory for Democracy", aired 13th Feb 1986

The Wit and Wisdom of... St Patrick

I am imperfect in many things, nevertheless I want my brethren and kinsfolk to know my nature so that they may be able to perceive my soul's desire.

Patrick, Confessio, c. 450

The Many Wits and Wisdoms of... Tony Benn

I've seen so many failures based on the idea 'Give up everything you believe and you'll win.' You give it up, and you don't win. Then people say 'We didn't give up enough. So we've got to give up even more.' That has been the tragedy of the Labour party since 1974; it hasn't appeared to stand for anything. People are not fools, they see that. So they say 'Better the devil we know.'

Interview for a BBC documentary 'Labour: The Wilderness Years', 1995

The Labour party has never been a socialist party, although there have always been socialists in it – a bit like Christians in the Church of England.

Date unknown

Change from below, the formulation of demands from the populace to end unacceptable injustice, supported by direct action, has played a far larger part in shaping British democracy than most constitutional lawyers, political commentators, historians or statesmen have ever cared to admit. Direct action in a democratic society is fundamentally an educational exercise.

New Politics, 1970

To some, Viscount Stansgate, better known as Anthony Wedgwood Benn, even better known as Tony Benn, had many incarnations.  was the left-wing bogeyman of late 20th century British politics. To others, he was the unrealised messiah of a socialist paradise. To others still, he was the man who was responsible for a catastrophic split in the Labour party, which led to fears it would never hold office again. And finally, he was good old Uncle Tony, the Grand Old Man of the British left whose one man shows were sell out successes. But no matter what you thought of him, you can't deny there won't be another like him.

Russian Salami Tactics

Government Chief Scientific Adviser: Prime Minister, you believe in the nuclear deterrent? 

Jim Hacker: Oh, yes.

CSA: Why? 

Hacker: Pardon? 

CSA: Why? 

Hacker: Because it deters.

CSA: Whom? 

Hacker: Pardon? 

CSA: Whom? Whom does it deter? 

Hacker: The Russians from attacking us. 

CSA: Why? 

Hacker: Pardon? 

CSA: Why? 

Hacker: They know if they launched an attack, I'd press the button. 

CSA: You would? 

Hacker: Well, wouldn't I? 

CSA: Well, would you? 

Hacker: At the last resort, yes, I certainly would... Well, I think I certainly would. Yes. 

CSA: And what is the last resort? 

Hacker: If the Russians invaded western Europe. 

CSA: You only have 12 hours to decide, so you're saying the last resort is the first response? 

Hacker: Am I? 

CSA: You don't need to worry. Why should the Russians annex the whole of Europe? They can't even control Afghanistan. No, if they try anything, it will be salami tactics. 

Hacker: Salami tactics? 

CSA: Slice by slice. One small piece at a time... So will you press the button if they invade West Berlin?

Hacker: It all depends.

CSA On what? No... Scenario one. Riots in West Berlin, buildings in flames. East German fire brigade crosses the border to help. Would you press the button...? 

Hacker: *Shakes head* 

CSA: The East German police come with them. The button...? 

Hacker: *Shakes head* 

CSA: Then some troops, more troops just for riot control, they say. And then the East German troops are replaced by Russian troops. Button...?

Hacker: *Shakes head* 

CSA: Then the Russian troops don't go. They are invited to stay to support civilian administration. The civilian administration closes roads and Tempelhof Airport. Now you press the button? 

Hacker: I need time to think about it. 

CSA: You have 12 hours. 

Hacker: Have I? You're inventing this.

CSA: You are Prime Minister today. The phone might ring now from NATO HQ. 

*PHONE RINGS* 

Bernard: Hello...? Yes. NATO HQ, Prime Minister. 

Hacker: *Looks ashen*

Bernard: Can you address their annual conference in April? 

Hacker: I thought I could... I'm not so sure now.

Yes Prime Minister, "The Grand Design", aired 9th Jan 1986.

The Wit and Wisdom of... Harold Wilson

We've got a job to do. We can only do that job as one people, and I'm going right in to start that job now.

Harold Wilson, on becoming Prime Minister for the second time, 04/03/1974. The next incoming Labour Prime Minister would not be for another 23 years.

Satirical Sting

Happy 30th birthday to Spitting Image. Yes, that really is Sting...