The Wit and Wisdom of... The Seventh Doctor

There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, and the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream; people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Ace. We've got work to do.

The Seventh Doctor, Survival, 06/12/1989. These were the final words of the original run of Doctor Who; the show was cancelled shortly after and, barring one brief, awful outing in 1996, was not to be seen on British TV for 16 years...

The Wit and Wisdom of... Martin Luther King, Jr.

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.

Martin Luther King, Strength to Love, 1963

The Wall Comes Tumbling Down

It was man who ended the Cold War in case you didn't notice. It wasn't weaponry, or technology, or armies or campaigns. It was just man. Not even Western man either, as it happened, but our sworn enemy in the East, who went into the streets, faced the bullets and the batons and said: we've had enough. It was their emperor, not ours, who had the nerve to mount the rostrum and declare he had no clothes.

John le Carre, The Secret Pilgrim, 1990. To mark the 25th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, 09/11/1989.

Woolf at the Door

The revelations of just how prevalent child abuse was, and is, in British society have been shocking. Over the last couple of years, there has not been a single major public institution, not to mention several private ventures, where we have not seen a darker side emerge from the shadows. Those who suffered in silence for all those years owe it to society to try and find out what on Earth went wrong.

In true British fashion, this means a public inquiry. And this is where it all starts to go wrong. So pervasive is the tint of corruption, so deep do the links between child abuse and those in power apparently go, it's proving an absolute nightmare to find anyone to actually head the inquiry. 

The first chair, Baroness Butler-Sloss, seemed a good choice. An extremely senior female judge, she had previously headed the Family Division at the High Courts of Justice. About as independent as you're going to get, with experience of dealing with those who have suffered personal trauma. Great. But then it transpired her brother had been Attorney General in the 1980s, when a dossier naming politicians allegedly involved in child abuse had been 'lost' by the Home Office. So that ruled her out.

Next in line was Fiona Woolf, the Lord Mayor of London. Less experience of dealing with shattered lives, but in terms of independence, still pretty good; the Lord Mayor of London is a non-partisan job, and the workings of the Corporation of the City of London rarely trespass onto normal life. But again, it's not easy. Woolf has been to dinner parties with the Home Secretary at the time of the missing dossier, Leon Brittan.

What this all boils down to is a fear of a cover up by 'the Establishment.' The idea that those in positions of influence and places of power will ensure that they look after their own, and that the truth shall never out. And you can see where this fear comes from. For all her professions of innocence, Fiona Woolf doesn't exactly look the part of the man on the street; it's the gold chain of office which tends to give it away. 

In Britain we have a long history of public inquiries, and they're normally pretty good at shining a light in places where previously there had been darkness. But if we've suddenly decided now we don't want a member of 'the Establishment' to conduct the inquiry, we really have to decide who we do want. Those qualified to lead investigations such as these tend to be judges, retired senior police officers, senior lawyers with peerages... all of whom are textbook 'Establishment.'

So, what instead? Either we quite literally grab people off of the streets. The chances of getting someone independent is very high. Unfortunately, the chances of getting someone qualified for the job is very, very low.

No, instead someone else is required. What we ideally need is someone who has been in public life, knows the way that the corridors of power in the UK, but has few if any ties to 'the Establishment,' or any of the major political parties. They'd have to not be in power any more, maybe recently vacated a position of responsibility, but still with the right qualifications to head a major public body...

I'm sure an idea will come to me eventually...

The Wit and Wisdom of... All the President's Men

You know the results of the latest Gallup Poll? Half the country never even heard of the word Watergate. Nobody gives a shit. You guys are probably pretty tired, right? Well, you should be. Go on home, get a nice hot bath. Rest up... 15 minutes. Then get your asses back in gear. We're under a lot of pressure, you know, and you put us there. Nothing's riding on this except the, uh, first amendment to the Constitution, freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country. Not that any of that matters, but if you guys fuck up again, I'm gonna lose my temper. I promise you, you don't want me to lose my temper

"All the President's Men," 1976 film. Ben Bradlee, editor of the Washington Post, who died today.

Britain First Posters, Beware...

Everyone is against cruelty to animals. Everyone. All it takes is a picture of a malnourished puppy, an injured kitten or a dead seal to get our blood boiling.

Everyone is in favour of looking after old people. We'll all be old one day, and even in our increasingly selfish era, the idea that society must provide a basic level of care to its elderly is deeply ingrained. There is even more support for the idea that those who served this country in the armed forces are deserving of our care. Even if we disagree profoundly with the conflicts soldiers are dispatched to in the name of the United Kingdom, no one could disagree that when they come back, we have a duty of care to these people.

But I suspect, or at least hope, that not everyone is a fascist. That not everyone believes and distributes the latest versions of the stock fairytales of the far right. That not everyone supports the idea of street marches into areas with a high ethnic minority population. That not everyone believes in repatriating immigrants, or treating ethnic minorities like second class citizens. That not everyone believes in a white supremacist, Christian-centric state, with dramatic curtailments in the right to divorce and abortion.

So my challenge is simple. The next time you see a picture of an abused animal on Facebook, or a story about the low level of pensioner benefits, before you click like or share, stop and think. Could this story, emotive though it is, actually be a piece of political propaganda? A message from a group which rose out of the ashes of the BNP, and draws on the street protests of the EDL.

Britain First is not a truth speaking website. It is not an honest Facebook group. It is not an arena for politically incorrect jokes. It is a far right political party, pure and simple. Let's not give them the oxygen of publicity.

Observations on... Matriculation

So, I'm currently enrolled on a PGCE course. Think of a British university for a second. Unless you've thought of one you went to, chances are the one in your head is the one I'm at, or the one it gets lumbered in with. And part of the 'hilarious quirks/decadent ridiculousness' of being a student at the University of Oxford is that you have to matriculate. 

For those (like me) who suspected this was something to do with being a mother, matriculation is the ceremony the University requires you to go through in order to be a student there. Back in the day, before widespread secondary education, it was the entrance exam. Now, it's a chance to prat about in robes for the day...

1. I'd forgotten how much I hate bow-ties.

2. Two people told me I looked "dapper/carried off the robes look". And I was told I looked very attractive. Although the last one was by another guy...

3. Given the apparent intelligence of Oxford students, it's very hard to get them to get in a line and walk anywhere.

4. Freshers are definitely getting younger.

5. Robes should be reintroduced for teachers, if nothing else to send small children flying as they billow behind you.

6. The Sheldonian Theatre must be horrendously impractical for any real plays.

7. There's no need to do the important bit in Latin. It means only Classicists and Catholic theologians have any real idea of what's going on.

8. It also means I could have agreed to anything and wouldn't know...

9. Any event which dictates the type of socks to be worn is clearly more trouble than it's worth.

10. 'Soft cap' is code for 'Tudor bishop hat'.

11. Why do you get given a mortarboard you're not really supposed to wear?

12. This event is clearly kept going largely for the benefit of tourists.

13. I tried to convince someone we were sorted into colleges by wearing a hat which told us where we should be. Nearly succeeded...

14. Group photos are hard to organise.

15. This is greatly complicated when you add robes and unworn headgear.

16. Mortarboards are still good for storing cake in (proving my BA and MA weren't complete wastes of time...)

Why Spell Check and History Don't Mix

Updating Open Office has left me with a dictionary which recognises only words I've added to the dictionary since installing Open Office in 2009. The results are fairly hilarious...

Aethelred
Alcuin
Anglian
Athelstan
Cuthbert
Faroe
Finchley
Frisia
Guildsmen
Hanoverians
Hemel
Hempstead
Justinian
Lindisfarne
Mercia
Merovingian
Offa
Picts
Plantagenet
Pompei
Prussia
Regnal
Toponym
Vinland

A broadly accurate summary really...

The Wit and Wisdome of Bill Clinton, Mk. IV

A preemptive action today, however well-justified, may come back with unwelcome consequences in the future. And because … I've done this. I've ordered these kinds of actions — I don't care how precise your bombs and your weapons are, when you set them off, innocent people will die.

Bill Clinton, addressing the Labour Party conference, Oct 2002

The Wit and Wisdom of... Donald Dewar

The Nationalists came to Hamilton promising victory. They have been promising victory for as long as I can remember - and now victory for them means coming second - again.

Having stepped through the looking glass they argue that Labour's tax policies, returning money to hard working families somehow attracts votes to them. But the one thing they try to hide is the stark reality that is their sole reason for existing - splitting the United Kingdom, breaking up Britain - Nationalism - is unacceptable to the more than 70% of Scots who will not vote for them.

It is not just their view of the world which is distorted. They have strange views on dissent. Their standing orders make clear that any unauthorised contact with the press is a hanging offence - well perhaps not hanging, but their Chief Whip has cheerfully gone on record saying that anyone who strays is liable to be dropped from the group. It is their form of deselection. I quote - "It is as if such a person went under a bus. The next one on the list would simply take his place".

It sure gives a certain sinister meaning to the phrase - "next please".

Then there is the puzzling case of the party's economic spokesman. Within the same week he argued that it was possible to be British, to be proud of it, yet vote against Britain for separatism. And then just as quickly changed tack, describing the Union Flag as offensive, - a relic of colonialism. They tell me he is a nice young man - he did eventually apologise - but would you put him in charge of your finances?

I can remember Free by '93. I thought then that it was straight from the great McGonigall school of politics - of dubious benefit but endlessly reusable. And they will use it decade after decade after decade.

Enough of the SNP - the politics of illusion are not for us.

Donald Dewar, first First Minister of Scotland, addressing the Labour conference, Sept 1999

The Wit and Wisdom of... Jean Chrétien

For the first time in my mandate as Prime Minister, I have asked to speak directly to Canadians tonight.

I do so because we are in an exceptional situation.

Tonight, in particular, I want to speak to my fellow Quebecers. Because, at this moment, the future of our whole country is in their hands.

But I also want to speak to all Canadians. Because this issue concerns them  --  deeply. It is not only the future of Quebec that will be decided on Monday. It is the future of all of Canada. The decision that will be made is serious and irreversible. With deep, deep consequences.

What is at stake is our country. What is at stake is our heritage. To break up Canada or build Canada. To remain Canadian or no longer be Canadian. To stay or to leave. This is the issue of the referendum.

When my fellow Quebecers make their choice on Monday, they have the responsibility and the duty to understand the implications of that choice.

The fact is, that hidden behind a murky question is a very clear option. It is the separation of Quebec. A Quebec that would no longer be part of Canada. Where Quebecers would no longer enjoy the rights and privileges associated with Canadian citizenship. Where Quebecers would no longer share a Canadian passport or a Canadian dollar  --  no matter what the advocates of separatism may claim.

Where Quebecers would be made foreigners in their own country.

I know that many Quebecers, in all good faith, are thinking of voting YES in order to bring change to Canada. I am telling them that if they wish to remain Canadian, they are taking a very dangerous gamble. Anyone who really wants to remain a Canadian should think twice before taking such a dangerous risk. Listen to the leaders of the separatist side. They are very clear. The country they want is not a better Canada, it is a separate Quebec. Don't be fooled.

There are also those Quebecers who are thinking of voting YES to give Quebec a better bargaining position to negotiate an economic and political partnership with the rest of Canada. Again, don't be fooled. A YES vote means the destruction of the political and economic union we already enjoy. Nothing more.

Through the course of this campaign, I have listened to my fellow Quebecers, and I have heard them say how deeply attached they are to Canada. I have listened  --  and I understand  --  that they have been hurt and disappointed in the past. I have also heard the voices for change that are echoing throughout Quebec and across Canada. Our country is changing. And we all know it. I ask you to remember all that this government has done over the last two years to help create change  --  positive change.

The end of Canada would be nothing less than the end of a dream. The end of a country that has made us the envy of the world. Canada is not just any country. It is unique. It is the best country in the world.

Perhaps it is something we have come to take for granted. But we should never, never let that happen. Once more, today it's up to each of us to restate our love for Canada. To say we don't want to lose it.

What we have built together in Canada is something very great and very noble. A country whose values of tolerance, understanding, generosity have made us what we are: a society where our number one priority is the respect and dignity of all our citizens.

Other countries invest in weapons, we invest in the well-being of our citizens. Other countries tolerate poverty and despair, we work hard to ensure a basic level of decency for everyone. Other countries resort to violence to settle differences, we work out our problems through compromise and mutual respect.

This is what we have accomplished.

And I say to my fellow Quebecers don't let anyone diminish or take away what we have accomplished. Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot be a proud Quebecer and a proud Canadian.

It is true Canada is not perfect. But I cannot think of a single place in the world that comes closer. Not a single place where people lead better lives. Where they live in greater peace and security.

Why does Canada work? Because our country has always been able to adapt and change to meet the hopes and aspirations of our citizens. We've done so in the past. We're doing so today. And we will continue to do so in the future.

And I repeat tonight what I said yesterday in Verdun. We must recognize that Quebec's language, its culture and institutions make it a distinct society. And no constitutional change that affects the powers of Quebec should ever be made without the consent of Quebecers.

And that all governments  --  federal and provincial  --  must respond to the desire of Canadians  --  everywhere  --  for greater decentralization.

And all that can happen quietly, calmly, without rupture  --  with determination.

To all Canadians outside Quebec, I say do not lose faith in this country. And continue to show the respect, the openness, the attachment, and the friendship you have shown to your fellow Canadians in Quebec all through the referendum campaign. Continue to tell them how important they are to you. And how without them, Canada would no longer be Canada. How you want them to remain Canadian and you hope, deeply and profoundly, that they choose Canada on Monday. In recent days, thousands of Canadians have taken the time to send messages of friendship and attachment to Quebecers. Keep them coming.

My friends, once again, our country is facing a crisis. And crisis and uncertainty exact a very heavy cost. We all pay a high price for political instability.

On Monday, once Quebecers have shown their commitment to Canada, I want to ask Canadian investors and foreign investors to show their commitment and confidence in return. Together, we will need to get our priorities back on track. On economic growth and jobs. And the time is long overdue.

My friends, we are facing a decisive moment in the history of our country. And people all across Canada know that decision lies in the hands of their fellow Canadians in Quebec.

As a proud Quebecer and a proud Canadian, I am convinced that a strong Quebec in a united Canada remains the best solution for all of us. I ask those Quebecers who have not yet made their decision to ask themselves these questions when they vote on Monday:

Do you really think that you and your family would have a better quality of life and a brighter future in a separate Quebec?

Do you really think that the French language and culture in North America would be better protected in a separate Quebec?

Do you really think you and your family will enjoy greater security in a separate Quebec?

Do you really want to turn your back on Canada? Does Canada deserve that?

Are you really ready to tell the world  --  the whole world  --  that people of different languages, different cultures and different backgrounds cannot live together in harmony?

Do you really think that ties of friendship and understanding... ties of mutual trust and respect can be broken without harm or rancour?

Have you found one reason, one good reason, to destroy Canada?

Do you really think it is worth abandoning the country we have built, and which our ancestors have left us?

Do you really think it makes make any sense  --  any sense at all  --  to break up Canada?

These are the questions I ask each of you to consider. It's a big, very big responsibility.

In a few days, all the shouting will be over. And at that moment, you will be alone to make your decision. At that moment I urge you, my fellow Quebecers, to listen to your heart  --  and to your head.

Speech on national television by the Canadian Prime Minister, Jean Chrétien, on the eve of the 1995 Quebec independence referendum. Quebec voted to remain in Canada by a mere 1.16%.

The Wit and Wisdom of... Gerald Ford

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together, not only our Government but civilization itself. That bond, though strained, is unbroken at home and abroad.

Gerald Ford, on assuming the US Presidency, 09/08/1974. His predecessor, Richard Nixon, became the only US President to resign, hounded from office by the Watergate scandal.

The Wit and Wisdom of... Ramsay MacDonald

The right hon. Gentleman, to a House which in a great majority is with him, has delivered a speech the echoes of which will go down in history. The speech has been impressive, but however much we may resist the conclusion to which he has come, we have not been able to resist the moving character of his appeal.

I think he is wrong. I think the Government which he represents and for which he speaks is wrong. I think the verdict of history will be that they are wrong. We shall see.

The effect of the right hon. Gentleman's speech in this House is not to be its final effect. There may be opportunities, or there may not be opportunities for us to go into details, but I want to say to this House, and to say it without equivocation, if the right hon. Gentleman had come here to-day and told us that our country is in danger, I do not care what party he appealed to, or to what class he appealed, we would be with him and behind him. If this is so, we will vote him what money he wants. Yes, and we will go further. We will offer him ourselves if the country is in danger. But he has not persuaded me that it is. He has not persuaded my hon. Friends who cooperate with me that it is, and I am perfectly certain, when his speech gets into cold print to-morrow, he will not persuade a large section of the country. If the nation's honour were in danger we would be with him. There has been no crime committed by statesmen of this character without those statesmen appealing to their nation's honour. We fought the Crimean War because of our honour. We rushed to South Africa because of our honour. The right hon. Gentleman is appealing to us to-day because of our honour.

There is a third point. If the right hon. Gentleman could come to us and tell us that a small European nationality like Belgium is in danger, and could assure us he is going to confine the conflict to that question, then we would support him. What is the use of talking about coming to the aid of Belgium, when, as a matter of fact, you are engaging in a whole European War which is not going to leave the map of Europe in the position it is in now. The right hon. Gentleman said nothing about Russia. We want to know about that. We want to try to find out what is going to happen, when it is all over, to the power of Russia in Europe, and we are not going to go blindly into this conflict without having some sort of a rough idea as to what is going to happen.

Finally, so far as France is concerned, we say solemnly and definitely that no such friendship as the right hon. Gentleman describes between one nation and another could ever justify one of those nations entering into war on behalf of the other. If France is really in danger, if, as the result of this, we are going to have the power, civilisation, and genius of France removed from European history, then let him so say. But it is an absolutely impossible conception, which we are talking about to endeavour to justify that which the right hon. Gentleman has foreshadowed.

Ramsay MacDonald, Leader of the Labour Party, responding Sir Edward Grey in the House of Commons on Britain's decision to enter the Great War, August 1914

The Wit and Wisdom of... Harold Wilson, Mk. II

Interviewer: Who has influenced you? 

Wilson: Well, as I have said, my parents and the Scout movement.

Harold Wilson, Prime Minister 1964-70 and 1974-76, outlining the two biggest influences on his life philosophy, 1967.

Cold Calling, Round II- Getting Out of Debt

This is a Government warning. Did you know that, if you are struggling with debts of £5000 or more, then you can have 70% of it written off for free? That's right, legally written off for free. Press 5 now...

Once I got over the initial terror that budget cuts meant that now warnings of nuclear attacks had to be phoned through to us individually, this automated call gave me a good laugh.

Because, like millions of people my age, I am indeed struggling with debt, and significantly more than the £5000 mentioned. If this is a real government warning, then that's fantastic.

Of course, the money I owe is *to* Her Majesty's Government, in the form of my student loans. But hey, maybe if I'd have pressed five, they really were willing to write 70% of it off...

Wistful thinking much?!

The Shots Heard Around Britain

TERRIBLE SCENES IN THE STREETS, BAYONET CHARGE AND BULLETS, WOMEN AND CHILDREN VICTIMS

Headline in the Daily Chronicle, 27/07/1914. It was describing the aftermath of the Howth gun-running, when the Dublin Metropolitan Police and the Kings Own Scottish Borderers opened fire on crowds in Dublin, having failed to intercept arms headed for the Irish National Volunteers. Four people were killed and about 30 injured, and the incident was widely seen as the cue for civil war.

As it was, a shooting in Sarajevo a month ago ended up dominating the headlines and averting a civil war, at least for the time being. But that's a story we already know...

Welcome Back to 2008

And so the long, long night has finally ended. Today we hear that the UK economy has finally regained all the ground it lost in the aftermath of the Great Recession. We're now officially all richer than we were in 2008.


But statistics aren't everything. As a country, our GDP is higher, yes. But that says nothing for all those people who were cast onto the scrapheap of unemployment during that time, either for a while or long-term. It says nothing for all those people who have remained stuck in jobs they don't really want to be doing, for fear of having nothing else. It says nothing for all those graduates (personal gripe here!) who left university to find the world didn't care as much as it said it did when they got into university. The true cost of the Great Recession is not over. It's hiding beneath the surface, and one day will emerge.

And with wages still lagging well behind GDP growth, very few of us are actually any richer than we were in 2008 anyway. This may be a day for politicians to trumpet the idea that Britain is back, or at least back on track. But remember this question:

Next Tuesday is Election Day. Next Tuesday all of you will go to the polls, will stand there in the polling place and make a decision. I think when you make that decision, it might be well if you would ask yourself, are you better off than you were four years ago? Is it easier for you to go and buy things in the stores than it was four years ago? Is there more or less unemployment in the country than there was four years ago?

Ronald Reagan, debating with Jimmy Carter, 1980

The Wit and Wisdom of... The First Doctor

One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.

The First Doctor, leaving his granddaughter Susan, The Dalek Invasion of Earth, 26th Dec 1964.

A Law for All Seasons

Alice More: Arrest him!

Sir Thomas More: Why, what has he done?

Margaret More: He's bad!

Sir Thomas More: There is no law against that.

Will Roper: There is! God's law!

Sir Thomas More: Then God can arrest him.

Alice More: While you talk, he's gone!

Sir Thomas More: And go he should, if he was the Devil himself, until he broke the law!

Roper: So now you'd give the Devil benefit of law!

Sir Thomas More: Yes. What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil?

Roper: I'd cut down every law in England to do that!

Sir Thomas More: Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned 'round on you, where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat? This country's planted thick with laws from coast to coast– man's laws, not God's– and if you cut them down—and you're just the man to do it—do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake.

A Man for All Seasons, 1966.

The Wit and Wisdom of... Jeremy Thorpe

Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his friends for his life.

Jeremy Thorpe, Liberal MP, in 1962, about Harold Macmillan's brutal Cabinet reshuffle, dubbed 'The Night of the Long Knives'. The quote is a deliberate inversion of John 15:13.

Exit Hush Puppies, Centre-Right

If a week is a long time in politics, then 42 years is pretty much an eternity. In 1972, Edward Heath was Prime Minister, Harold Wilson Leader of the Opposition. There were no Liberal Democrats, just the remains of the once mighty Liberal Party. The public sector was much bigger, with key industries run by the state. Trades unions were pillars of the workforce, and when they went on strike, people took notice. Scotland and Wales enjoyed virtually no autonomy, whilst it was beginning to dawn on politicians that maybe Northern Ireland had too much. Britain had not long shed the last of her colonies, and the military bases around the world which went with them. NATO was our most important foreign alliance, although we were on the brink of joining the new-fangled EEC.

Into this world a new Conservative MP was made a government whip. From that date until this evening, he has held office in every Conservative government. A junior minister at the start of the Thatcher era, he eventually rose to be Health Secretary, Education Secretary, Home Secretary and finally Chancellor of the Exchequer, arguably one of the most successful Chancellors ever. As if this tour de force wasn't enough, he also narrowly missed out on being Tory leader twice, once in 1997 and again in 2001, despite polls showing he was much more popular with the public than the eventual victors. Many believe he could have at least eased, and maybe even ended earlier, the Tory wilderness years of 1997-2010. Retreating to the backbenches gave him the independence go vote against the invasion of Iraq in 2003. In the current Conservative government, this man served as Justice Secretary, and a Minister Without Portfolio.

And today he goes. If any of the current Tory ministers repeat this feat, I shall be 66 when they leave office. But I doubt they'll do it with the same jazz-loving, cigar-smoking, pro-European moderate Toryism we've come to know and love. So farewell Ken Clarke, maybe the only Conservative leader I could ever have voted for. You shall be missed.

Murray-fever

Once again, Wimbeldon-mania is gripping much of the country. People who know literally nothing about tennis the rest of the year are transformed for a week or two into internationally renowned experts. And as Andy Murray, defending champion, winds his way towards defending his title yet again, I figured we could all do with some light relief:

http://www.campaignlive.co.uk/thework/885043/

N.B. This is from 2006, sufficiently long ago enough that I remember my Dad saying "Oh yes, that's the other one in the queue, the one that isn't Tim Henmann"!

The Lamps Go Out

The Great War. The European War. The Kaiser's War. The World War. The First World War. The War to End War.

Call it what you will, tomorrow marks a century since a young Bosnian Serb shot dead the heir to the throne of the Austro-Hungarian Empire in Sarajevo. Within a matter of weeks, the apparent calm of Europe had been shattered, as the continent, and eventually huge swathes of the planet, descended into war.

Ever since, historians have struggled to explain how the century of peace which had seemingly graced Europe since 1815 came crashing down so suddenly and so spectacularly. You can debate whether this peace was an illusion, or the reasons war came about so rapidly. But this analysis of the madness which gripped Europe cannot be beaten:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=506_1372930441&comments=1

Chinese Whispers

"Tell the world," they said to us

Chinese student protesters, recorded by the BBC during the bloody crushing of the Tiananmen Square protests, 04/06/1989

The uprising also produced one of the most famous press images of the last century in the form of the Tank Man picture

Earthquakes

The achievement of UKIP this weekend really is hard to overstate. As the media have been quick to trumpet, this is the first election in over a hundred years not to have been 'won' by either Labour or the Conservatives.

But this disguises a lot. In the two general elections of 1910, the Conservatives (just) outpolled the Liberal party, as it then was, but the Liberals held the edge on seats. So actually, the last election to have been clearly won by someone other than Labour or Conservative was in 1906, when the Liberals took 397 seats and 48.9% of the vote.

But the Liberals are sort of still with us, in the form of the much battered and bruised Liberal Democrats. So in actual fact, the last time a national election was won by anyone other than the Conservatives, Labour or the Liberals was... never. Since the advent of party politics in the late 17th century, with Whigs and Tories forming into loose blocs in Parliament, a broadly left wing group has faced a broadly right wing group. Even if the names have changed, or even the ideas espoused have changed, that has been a relative constant.

And there's more. Those victories by the Liberals were achieved in the days before true universal suffrage. No women could vote, and far from the entire adult male population could vote either. So, in fact, by taking 4.35 million votes, UKIP have the highest number of votes for a party which isn't one of the big three, ever.

Whether some of these will dissipate at a general election remains to be seen. Personally, I think it will. My money is still on an outcome. But everything is in flux, and British politics has indeed seen a bit of an earthquake.

The Wit and Wisdom of... Clement Attlee

The result of the meeting? Oh, we're carrying on. That's all.

Clement Attlee, leaving Downing Street after the first Cabinet following the 1950 general election, which saw Labour's majority plummet from 146 to five, 24/02/1950

The Wit and Wisdom of... LBJ

But only... all... who have been denied the right to vote, can really walk through those doors, and can use that right, and can transform the vote into an instrument of justice and fulfilment. 

If you do this, then you will find, as others have found before you, that the vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for breaking down injustice and destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men

Lyndon Baines Johnson, 36th President of the United States of America, signing the Voter Rights Act into law, 1966

What If... Thatcher Took the Hint?

As the votes were counted, it was clear that Margaret Thatcher's optimism had been well founded. In a contest between the most successful leader of the Conservative party in living memory and an elderly backbencher, the result was never in any real doubt. Mrs Thatcher had trounced Sir Anthony Meyer, winning the backing of 314 Tory MPs to Sir Anthony's 33. In the dying days of the 1980s, the Conservative leader looked safe until at least the next general election. However, over the Christmas parliamentary recess, Thatcher consulted with her close advisers. If abstentions and spoilt papers were taken into account, 60 MPs had failed to back their leader. After over a decade in office, dissent was growing on the backbenches. The economy was starting to show signs of faltering, and the Community Charge was provoking an enormous clash in the country. Reluctantly, Thatcher came to the realisation that she would not win a fourth general election in 1991 or 1992.

But few of Thatcher's cabinet ministers can have been expecting her announcement at the first meeting of 1990. She told them she had decided that, after ten and a half years in office, it was time to stand down, thus giving her successor time to establish themself before a general election. The country was stunned. To many, the candidate to replace Mrs Thatcher was obvious. Since his dramatic walkout resignation from her cabinet in 1986, Michael Heseltine had been waiting in the shadows for his moment to strike. Extremely popular with voters, and with a public image to match that of Thatcher herself, there seemed no way that the premiership was not Tarzan's for the taking. When it emerged in the first ballot of the Tory leadership election that his only challengers were to be the patrician, remote, One-Nation Tory Douglas Hurd and the right wing backbencher Nicholas Budgen, it looked as though Heseltine was home and dry.

But there was another high profile ex-cabinet minister lurking in the wings. Norman Tebbit, former Financial Times journalist, former RAF and commercial pilot, and the MP for Chingford since 1970, had been a Thatcherite cheerleader from the word go. Instinctively anti-socialist, it was Tebbit who had helped put the ideology of Thatcherism into words which resonated with the public, most famously with his 'get on your bike' ethic (although he never actually said those exact words). After steering the Conservative party to victory in the 1987 election, many had expected Tebbit to be appointed to one of the great offices of government. But Tebbit carried a deep scar from his time in government. He had been badly injured in the Brighton bombing of 1984, and his wife had been left paralysed. He retired from the government to devote his time to caring for her. But, as he told Woodrow Wyatt in 1988, if Thatcher was to go and he didn't like the look of her replacement, he would be forced to intervene. And, for all their cooperation in abolishing London's education authority, Tebbit and Heseltine did not see eye to eye. So Tebbit threw his hat into the ring, declaring he wanted to see Thatcher's achievements taken to new heights. Budgen, knowing the game was up, withdrew. Thatcher was delighted, and made little secret of who she would prefer to see succeed her.

When the results were counted, Tebbit had the backing of 215 MPs, versus 126 for Heseltine, 30 for Hurd and 3 abstentions. Under the complex rules for electing a new Tory leader, Tebbit had won comfortably, avoiding a second ballot. His first act was to build a new cabinet. Mrs Thatcher had only changed the big players of Chancellor, Home Secretary and Foreign Secretary a few months before, so Tebbit offered John Major, Douglas Hurd and David Waddington the chance remain in their jobs, which they all accepted. Michael Heseltine found himself recalled to the government, going back to the Ministry of Defence.

One of Tebbit's first moves in government was to announce a review of the hated Community Charge, widely known as the Poll Tax, under the direction of his new Environment Secretary Ken Clarke, a known Tory moderate. Clarke was set what became known as the 'Tebbit test'; any replacement for the old rates had to be acceptable to all Tebbit's Essex constituents, from council tenants to rich millionaires. Although bills did arrive in households in March, the knowledge that the tax was likely to be scrapped helped to take the wind out of the sails from the anti-Poll Tax groups. A demonstration planned for the end of March in London fizzled out, and with the issue negated the Conservatives began to gain on Labour in the polls. But with the economy beginning to dip into recession, Tebbit would clearly have a struggle on his hands.

Then the IRA struck again. Eyebrows had been raised by Tebbit's choice of Ian Gow, a Thatcher loyalist and strident Unionist, as his Northern Irish Secretary. But no one was expecting what followed. In July 1990 Gow was killed when a car bomb detonated outside his constituency home in Sussex. The IRA claimed responsibility, pointing to Gow's closeness to Thatcher and Tebbit, and his support for Unionism. Tebbit then shocked the political world by deciding to become his own Northern Irish Secretary, and ordering a security crackdown in the Province. The result was an enormous upsurge in violence, as a heavier army presence led to increased paramilitary attacks. The loyalist paramilitary groups also stepped up their activities, and it began to look as if the Prime Minister was leading Northern Ireland back into the appalling violence of the 1970s.

Whether all of this would have changed without the death of one of the most prominent paramilitaries will never be known. Driving to a political meeting in Belfast in September 1990, a car containing the prominent Sinn Fein politicians and alleged IRA commanders Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness was attacked by gunmen. McGuinness was killed in the shootout, while all the other occupants were badly injured, with Adams having to have his leg amputated. Whilst it has never been proved that the SAS were responsible for the attack, it was widely believed at the time; no loyalist group came forward to claim responsibility for the attack, and Tebbit took advantage of the incident to make the Downing Street Declaration, in which he promised that the UK government would never bow to the men of violence. Adding off the record that Adams losing his leg gave him a taste of his own medicine was very much an insight into Tebbit's mindset. Relations between London and Dublin cooled dramatically, as Tebbit returned to the idea that Northern Ireland was a security problem for the United Kingdom, not a constitutional one to be solved jointly with the Irish. In turn, the IRA stepped up its bombing campaign on the mainland, with the London Docklands, Manchester, Birmingham, Edinburgh and Liverpool all seeing bombs during this tense period. But after these attacks, the IRA and Sinn Fein retreated underground, realising they could not survive an all out war with the British army. Instead, they began to plan for a road to a peaceful end to the Troubles.

But Northern Ireland had always defied the norms of British politics, and bizarrely Tebbit's popularity seemed boosted by his strong policies there. Coupled with British success in the Gulf War against Iraq, Tebbit went into the 1991 election with high hopes, campaigning on a distinctively Thatcherite manifesto of resistance to the EC, lower immigration, lower taxes and a smaller state. The result was victory, a majority of 89 seats. For Labour, Neil Kinnock was devastated. The change of Prime Minister 18 months before had apparently been enough to sink his chances of becoming Prime Minister. He resigned, to be replaced by John Smith, although there were many who thought if Labour could not win in the midst of a recession, after 12 years of Conservative rule with an openly right wing leader at their head, they might never be able to win at all.

With this overwhelming mandate behind him, in the autumn of 1991 Tebbit headed off to the EC summit at Maastricht for the negotiation on the new European treaty. Never a friend of Brussels, Tebbit tore into the idea of 'ever closer union' and a European single currency. For good measure, he announced that Britain would leave the Exchange Rate Mechanism if a single currency was agreed upon. After much wrangling, Tebbit agreed to the creation of a European Union, but extracted an opt-out for Britain from much of its provisions. This opt-out from the ERM would prove critical, as it saved the pound from collapse when the system broke down in September 1992. However, not all Conservative MPs were pleased with Tebbit's performance. Michael Heseltine, Ken Clarke and Chris Patten all resigned from the government; however, these pro-Maastricht rebels in the Conservative party were not enough to threaten Tebbit's substantial majority.

Although the recession of 1990-93 was deep and painful, the economy soon bounced back, with Chancellor John Major taking much of the credit. Inflation dropped to record low levels, and unemployment began to fall as well. and  Tebbit's administration was also particularly active in the field of social security reform, removing entitlements from many higher earners, but also increasing sanctions for abuse of the system. Tighter immigration controls proved popular, as did schemes to encourage ethnic minorities to integrate into British society. In education, plans to introduce tuition fees for university education provoked a storm of protests amongst students. However, vice-chancellors were delighted, and many worried parents were pacified by the generous scheme of grants, bursaries and loans which was introduced. Many on the left attacked Tebbit and his government as being too harsh, too insular, but these criticisms just seemed to bounce off the Prime Minister. Indeed, as he pointed out, he was not so ardently Thatcherite that he would dream of extreme privatisation; the Post Office and British Rail remained in public hands, although the last of the coal mines did go. Overseas, Britain became increasingly disconnected with the rest of the EU, but did support the UN intervention in the former Yugoslavia. It was enough to guarantee Tebbit victory at the 1995 general election, albeit with a reduced majority of 47.

But this was to be the last hurrah of the Tebbit government. It had been clear for a while that there was an increasing disjuncture between the Conservative party and modern British culture. After their defeat in 1995, Labour chose Tony Blair as their new leader; after all, they'd only kept Margaret Beckett after John Smith died because they were afraid Tebbit would use any vacancy to call an election. Blair proved very popular with the public, and Labour rapidly pulled ahead of the Conservatives in the polls. It seemed that economic competence was no longer enough; voters wanted a government which cared too. Disastrous local election results in 1996 saw the Conservatives almost pushed into third place, and they lost hundreds upon hundreds of council seats, a trend which was set to intensify.

But the Prime Minister was already set to resign. After his 65th birthday in March 1996, Tebbit had hinted he would not be leader at the next election, and then surprised everyone by announcing he would stand down in time for the Tory conference in October. In the contest to replace him Michael Portillo, darling of the Thatcherites and ultimate heir-presumptive to their cause since the late-80s, emerged victorious, the youngest Prime Minister since the 19th century. Tebbit was initially enthusiastic about his replacement, declaring to the conference "if you thought I was right-wing, wait till you see this guy." But Portillo surprised everyone by emerging as a social liberal; his 'Portillo Moment,' whereby he promised to use extra tax revenues to care for those at the bottom of society, was originally seen as a game changer. However, Portillo had reckoned without the civil war this move would cause to erupt in the Conservative party, with his predecessor, now Lord Tebbit, leading the attack. Portillo's move came to be seen as an attempt to steal the rug from under Tony Blair. All the tensions of a party which had been in power for nearly twenty years exploded into the open, and Labour pulled further and further ahead in the polls. That Portillo had a former leader of his party sniping at him from the Lords did nothing to help his position. Portillo held off the election for as long as he could. But his government had ceased to function, meaning he had little concrete achievements to point to other than muddling through. The nadir of his premiership came with the frankly naff Millennium Celebrations in December 1999; after a year, no one could still work out what the Millennium Dome had been for. And so in May 2000, 21 years of Conservative rule were brought to an end with the landslide victory by Tony Blair and the Labour party. Portillo barely held on to his Enfield seat. The next day, the IRA declared a ceasefire and called for negotiations to open with the new British government. Truly, the Tebbit era had ended.

P.S. Tebbit Cabinet, 1990

Prime Minister- Norman Tebbit
Chancellor of the Exchequer- John Major
Foreign Secretary- Douglas Hurd
Home Secretary- David Waddington
Defence Secretary- Michael Heseltine
Education Secretary- Ken Baker
Health Secretary- Chris Patten
Trade and Industry Secretary- Nicholas Ridley
Social Security Secretary- Cecil Parkinson
Environment Secretary- Ken Clarke
Employment Secretary- Peter Lilley
Transport Secretary- Tom King
Energy Secretary- Norman Fowler
Scottish Secretary- Malcolm Rifkind
Welsh Secretary- Edwina Curry
Northern Irish Secretary- Ian Gow
Chief Secretary to the Treasury- Norman Lamont
Agriculture, Food and Fisheries Minister- John Gummer
Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster- John Biffen
Leader, House of Commons- Sir Geoffrey Howe
Leader, House of Lords- Lord Belstead

P.P.S. Prime Ministers, 1990-2014

1979-1990- Margaret Thatcher (Con)
1990-1996- Norman Tebbit (Con)
1996-2000- Michael Portillo (Con)
2000-2009- Tony Blair (Lab)
2009-2013- Gordon Brown (Lab)
2013-2014- William Hague (Con)

Cold Calling, University of York Style

So last night I fell victim to a very peculiar version of cold calling. I was phoned up by my old university, which was looking to "find out what you're doing and where you're at." Apparently the university employ cash-strapped first years to call up graduates and keep tabs on them; supposedly in an attempt to not look like they stop caring the moment you are handed your degree certificate, but (I strongly suspect) also to try and guilt trip you into departing with some money to enable future generations of students to also have a good time.

Mercifully, I can talk for Britain, and having nowt better to do decided to see who would blink first. This resulted in a 45 minute conversation, with some real blinders:

"So I see you did an MA in Medieval History with us; out of interest, what encouraged you to do that at York?"

Hmm, well apart from the internationally recognised Centre for Medieval Studies (which he'd not heard of) being there, a fairly large part of my decision was that I'd already been a student there for three years. A fact he wasn't aware of. A great start, York. At least give the man some basic facts...

"You were in Halifax College, yes? At least you weren't as far away as Hes East..."

Sorry to break it to you, but when I started there in 2008, Hes East consisted of some diggers waiting for the archaeology department to stop excitedly pointing at a hole in the ground. Halifax was renowned for being 'miles away.' But, hey, nice try...

"Yes, I'm still in Halifax you see; I'm in my first year."

Oh. Dear. The poor guy on the end of the phone is barely older than the students I currently work with. When I was an MA student, one of the biggest realisations was how detached you became from the undergraduate life of the university. Three years may not seem like much, but the level of work and general maturity (within reason...) was in fact like a chasm. Now, two years out of university altogether, it began to seem more like an interstellar void...

"You were a university librarian? Wow, that's cool... They've always seemed really strange people to me!"

Also file under 'Howto Lose Friends and Alienate People.'

"So, are you interested to hear how the last round of elections went?"

No, not really. I realised YUSU politics was ridiculous whilst I was at university, and it hasn't got better in my mind since.

"I'm just wondering, why did you become a librarian when you finished your MA? I mean, it's about as far from doing medieval history as I can imagine... but then again, I can imagine 2012 wasn't a good year to graduate, was it?"

No, actually, Mr 1st year. I don't think you can imagine. I don't think you can imagine what it was like one little bit, to go straight from MA life to graduate unemployment (although I did lifeguard, so more properly it was severe underemployment). What it was like to be rejected from job after job. To be made to feel that four years of higher education had actually made things worse, not better. To discover that employers didn't care. And with the only consolation being everyone else you knew was in the same boat. And that, although things are fine now, I will never, ever forget the experience...

I look forward to their next call with great interest!

The Wit and Wisdom of... John Smith

The opportunity to serve our country—that is all we ask.

Closing remarks of John Smith, leader of the Labour Party, to a fundraising dinner, 11/05/1994. The next morning he was struck dead by a double heart attack, prompting an enormous outpouring of grief from across the political spectrum. His death paved the way for the premiership of Tony Blair. Smith is arguably amongst the finest Prime Ministers this country never had.

The Return of the Passenger

Dear Passenger,

We'd like to remind you that this weekend, between Saturday 3rd and Monday 5th May, the line into and out of London Euston will be closed.

This is the first of a series of closures necessary to deliver Network Rail's £81m project that will see the replacement of 12 miles of track, signalling equipment and overhead power lines in the Watford area. This essential work is part of a £120m wider scheme to improve reliability on the route between Milton Keynes and London Euston.

Now, normally, this email from London Midland would have me seething with rage. They're closing the West Coast Mainline, one of the busiest, if not the busiest, stretches of railway in the UK. Which is also my local line. In to and out of London. At great expense. Which will be paid for from raised fares. For improvements which should have been done years ago.

And yet I was delighted. Why? Because I was a passenger. Not a customer. That must be a first in the post-British Rail world. Hopefully a sign of the future?

The Wit and Wisdom of... Maggie Thatcher, mk II

The right hon. Gentleman is afraid of an election is he? Oh, if I were going to cut and run I'd have gone after the Falklands. Afraid? Frightened? Frit? Couldn't take it? Couldn't stand it? Right now inflation is lower than it has been for thirteen years, a record the right hon. Gentleman couldn't begin to touch!

Margaret Thatcher, attacking Denis Healey in the House of Commons, 19th April 1983

What If... Ireland Never Became Independent?

Dublin, April 1916. As the smoke starts to clear the damage done by the savage fighting becomes clear. A week earlier, a shadowy body known as the Irish Republican Brotherhood (IRB) had tried to take advantage of Britain's distraction by the First World War, and had launched an uprising with the aim of creating an independent Irish republic. Now, with the city in ruins and the surviving rebels captured by the British army, it must have seemed that their very lives were in danger.

Hard as it is to believe now, there were many who doubted whether Ireland could be kept in the United Kingdom. Despite being ruled by Britain for 700 years, Ireland was Britain's most troublesome colony. Centuries of armed rebellions had all failed, so in the 19th century Irish nationalism was instead channelled through the route of parliamentary reform; persuading the parliament in Westminster to give Ireland its own assembly. However, in the mainly Protestant north of Ireland, the idea of being ruled by a Catholic-dominated legislature in Dublin caused shivers of fear.

Tensions reached new heights in the 1910s. The Liberal government of Herbert Henry Asquith was dependent on the support of the Irish Parliamentary Party in the House of Commons, and therefore was obliged to press ahead with Home Rule. The Conservative party, reeling from two close election defeats in 1910, responded by backing the calls of Unionists in Ulster for exclusion from Home Rule. In desperation, and encouraged by the Conservatives, the Unionists began to arm to resist rule from Dublin. The nationalists responded by also raising forces.

By 1914, the situation seemed grim. Neither side would back down. When Asquith ordered the army to prepare to disarm the Ulster Unionists and uphold the Home Rule Bill, army officers indicated they would resign rather than carry out their orders. And in what seemed the final straw, three civilians were shot and killed by the army and Dublin Metropolitan Police in July 1914 during the interception of a nationalist gun-running mission. Civil war was now feared to be days away.

But it was another shooting in that long summer which saved Ireland the trauma of a civil war, and thus kept it inside the United Kingdom. The heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, was killed by Bosnian Serbs, precipitating an international crisis which plunged Europe into war. The Home Rule Act was suspended until the conflict finished, and both the Irish National Volunteers and the Ulster Volunteer Force pledged their services to the government. It seemed as if Britain had pulled back from the brink.

Then came the Easter Rising of 1916. Irish popular opinion was outraged: the rebels had brought huge damage down on Dublin, and threatened to wreck the cause of nationalism for good. The army was also furious, and wanted to execute the ringleaders to send a message that Britain would not tolerate treason. In the nick of time, Asquith managed to halt the executions, instead imprisoning the rebels for the duration of the war. He knew that public opinion would swing behind republicanism if Britain gave them martyrs.

Instead, it was left to Asquith's successor as Prime Minister, David Lloyd-George, to find a solution to the Irish Question when the Great War ended in 1918. He came up with an ingenious compromise; the nine counties of Ulster were to be excluded from the new devolved Irish Parliament until 1930, when they would start to send representatives to Dublin. As for the rest of Ireland, it would recommence sending MPs to the Westminster Parliament at this date. It seemed a torturous compromise, and there was a fresh wave of bombings from the IRB, still desperately trying to gain independence for Ireland. But most of Ireland's politicians were exhausted by the deadlock, and the deal was accepted in 1922.

And after all the despair and stress, the deal worked. True, it cost Lloyd-George the premiership, as his Conservative allies were disgusted at the apparent betrayal of the Ulster Protestants. But the new regime in Dublin, headed by rebel-turned-politician Eamon de Valera, proved competent enough in the face of chronic economic crises, and there was no wholesale repression of Protestants in public life. Attacks by the IRB soon ceased as the organisation withered away, and most Irish people seemed content with the stability their new status had granted them. There was also a great deal of cross-over with Ulster, as many organisations, such as the Royal Irish Constabulary (RIC), government departments, churches, and sporting bodies, were run on an all-Ireland basis. But in 1930, when Irish MPs returned to Westminster and Ulster sent its first delegates to Dublin, many feared a return to division.

What staved off further crisis was the Second World War, which had a unifying effect on British society as a whole. Although de Valera was known to be cool towards the idea of war with Germany, he nonetheless gave his backing first to Neville Chamberlain and then Winston Churchill in the war effort. But the Second World War unified British society at a level deeper than high politics, and by the end of the conflict any doubts that the two didn't share a common future were resolutely buried. Historians still doubt whether Britain could have kept going without access to the Atlantic ports of Berehaven and Queenstown, vital lifelines in the Battle of the Atlantic. The Irish regiments of the army played a vital role in the war effort, with many Irishmen serving in the British army. The war also helped to bring former rebels in from the cold; former IRB commander Michael Collins struck fear into the hearts of the Nazis in occupied Europe with his running of SOE, fighting guerilla wars alongside resistance groups. When the war finished, the Irish Labour Party swept both the Westminster seats and the Irish Assembly elections, ending the dominance of the old Irish Parliamentary Party. Defeated, De Valera accepted a peerage as Baron de Valera of Ennis in County Clare; this was the ultimate symbol that Ireland had returned to the fold of normal British life.

The second half of the 20th century continued this pattern, with Ireland sharing in Britain's economic ups and downs, but benefiting enormously overall from the larger economy of its neighbour. The Irish Assembly also proved a useful springboard for politicians who aimed to make it big at Westminster. Liam Cosgrave's experience of managing Ireland's economy made him a valuable addition to Edward Heath's 1970-74 Conservative government, although he later clashed with Margaet Thatcher as one of the leading Wets in her first cabinet. Mary Robinson was one of the driving forces behind Harold Wilson's landmark social reforms, while Charles Haughey's undoubted economic experience was not enough to prevent his lurid private life becoming a damaging distraction for Labour in the 1980s. David Trimble's support for John Major kept his beleaguered government going through the 1990s. And who could forget the unbeatable partnership of Tony Blair and his Foreign Secretary, Bertie Ahern? Or, critics might say, who could forget their selling of honours and dodgy property dealings? More recently, Michael Martin's anti-austerity programme in Labour-run Ireland is proving an ever more embarrassing contrast with David Cameron's administration, with few expecting Peter Robinson to be back in Dublin Castle after May's elections.

But this success story has not been without its pitfalls. It took many Unionists a long time to adapt to the idea of the Irish Assembly, with severe rioting and civil unrest in Belfast and Derry in the late 1960s and early 1970s requiring the army to help the RIC restore order. Mercifully this unrest abated, but not before the career of promising Unionist politician Brian Faulkner had been cut short by his poor response to the crisis. Controversial Unionist politician Ian Paisley also threatened a return to the divisions of the past; in response, voters kept the Irish Unionist Party locked out of Dublin Castle for a generation. The IRB has also re-emerged from the shadows from time to time, most noticeably when it destroyed Nelson's Pillar in Dublin in 1966, and in sporadic attacks against the RIC and the army. But the cause of republicanism in Ireland is going nowhere any time soon. The main republican party, Sinn Fein, polls terribly at both Westminster and Dublin elections. The true mindset in the country was seen during the Queen's visit to Ireland in 2011, the first since George V in 1911, and widely considered a success. Perhaps the best indication that Ireland is here to stay was given by the Queen herself, when she used the trip to make her recently married grandson, Prince William, the Duke of Cork.

P.S. First Ministers of Ireland, 1919-2014
1919-1930- Eamon de Valera (IPP)
1930-1934- William Cosgrave (IUP)
1934-1946- Eamon de Valera (IPP)
1946-1950- William Norton (ILP)
1950-1962- Basil Brooke (IUP)
1962-1970- Jack Lynch (ILP)
1970-1974- Brian Faulkner (IUP)
1974-1978- Gerry Fitt (ILP)
1978-1982- Ian Paisley (IUP)
1982-1998- Dick Spring (ILP)
1998-2002- Bertie Ahern (ILP)
2002-2006- Mark Durkan (ILP)
2006-2010- Peter Robinson (IUP)
2010-2014- Michael Martin (ILP)

________________________________________________________________
I'm sure you'll all be pleased to see I haven't stopped writing these posts, but finding the time is getting harder and harder! This one has been an on-off concern since mid-2012. There are more in the pipeline, so watch this space!

The Wit and Wisdom of... Robin Cook, Mk. III

Tonight Parliament has the opportunity to insist that Ministers must accept responsibility for their conduct in office and to assert that the health of our democracy depends on the honesty of Government to Parliament. That is what we shall vote for tonight. 

Of course Conservative Members have enough votes to defeat us. If they vote to reject those principles, however, they will demonstrate not only that the two Ministers who have been most criticised in the Scott report should leave office, they will convince the public that this is an arrogant Government who have been in power too long to remember that they are accountable to the people, and that the time has come when the people must turn them all out of office.

Robin Cook, 26/02/1996, on the Scott Report into government arms sales to Iraq, contrary to UN sanctions. Widely seen as one of the best parliamentary performances of modern times, the debate and vote nearly destroyed the Conservative government.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/democracylive/hi/historic_moments/newsid_8183000/8183769.stm

(To give an idea of Cook in full flow on the issue!)

Mutinous Army, Treacherous Conservatives

Britain stands on the brink of civil war. After decades of campaigning, a region of the country is about to be granted limited autonomy. However, sections of the population within that area, who oppose any extra powers, are so furious with the decision they create their own army to oppose any attempt by the government to enforce the law. This army begins buying weapons from a foreign country, which would love to see Britain divided. They are also egged on by the Conservative party, which is still reeling from successive general election defeats and looking for any way it can to frustrate the government of the day. In response, those campaigning for autonomy also begin to arm.

The government is in a corner; it would love to bury it's head in the sand and make it all go away, but is dependent on the support of MPs in favour of autonomy in order to survive in a hung parliament. The Prime Minister orders the army to prepare to disarm those trying to prevent the law coming into force. Senior army officers, encouraged by the Conservative party leadership, offer their junior officers a choice as to whether they will carry out these orders if conflict erupts. Somewhere between 60 and 100 resign rather than carry out their orders.

This sounds like the plot of a dystopian novel, or something from a new TV series on Sky Atlantic, or the direst of Daily Mail predictions on Scottish independence. But it isn't. This is what was playing out in the United Kingdom, one hundred years ago this week. The region is Ireland, with the Liberal government of Herbert Asquith struggling to enforce the Home Rule Act in the face of determined opposition from Ulster Unionists and the Conservative Party. German weapons and munitions were supplying both the Irish Nationalists and the Ulster Unionists, and German military circles took note at the crisis within the British army.

Asquith was forced into a humiliating climbdown. The orders to march on Ulster were never given. The Home Rule Act was later suspended pending the conclusion of the First World War. Ulster was successful in staying out of an autonomous Ireland, whilst the rest of Ireland rejected the union with Britain, instead becoming an independent nation.

It's hard to reach a balanced conclusion on this one, historians have certainly struggled; so I'll go the whole hog and give my personal opinion. The army had refused to carry out a lawful order from it's civilian bosses; that is mutiny. It had also become unacceptably politicised. The Ulster Unionists were entering into armed rebellion against the elected government to prevent it from enforcing the law, and the Conservative party was actively encouraging it. In my books, there is a crime which fits that bill, and yes it is an antiquated one, but nevertheless...: treason.

The Prophecies of... Yes Prime Minister

Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, once you start interfering in the internal squabbles of other countries, you're on a very slippery slope.

Jim Hacker: That's what the Foreign Secretary said. 

Sir Humphrey: Extraordinary. 

Hacker: Then there's the U.N. vote on Israel tonight. The Americans want us to abstain. 

Sir Humphrey: It's a question of maintaining our relationship with the Arabs... The power of Islam... Oil supplies. 

Hacker: I'm talking about what's right and wrong. 

Sir Humphrey: Well, don't let the Foreign Office hear you... If you insist on an even-handed approach, the Foreign Office might agree to abstaining, so long as you authorise our man there to make a powerful speech attacking Zionism.
Hacker: Surely we should promote peace, harmony, goodwill?
Sir Humphrey: Well, it would be most unusual. The U.N. is the accepted forum for the expression of international hatred.
Hacker: And defending democracy on St George's?
Sir Humphrey: Not if it harms us by upsetting our friends.
Hacker: Britain should not support law and justice?
Sir Humphrey: Of course we should. We just shouldn't let it affect our foreign policy, that's all.
Hacker: We must fight for the weak against the strong.
Sir Humphrey: Then send troops to Afghanistan to fight the Russians.
Hacker: ...The Russians are too strong.

Yes Prime Minister, "A Victory for Democracy", aired 13th Feb 1986

The Wit and Wisdom of... St Patrick

I am imperfect in many things, nevertheless I want my brethren and kinsfolk to know my nature so that they may be able to perceive my soul's desire.

Patrick, Confessio, c. 450

The Many Wits and Wisdoms of... Tony Benn

I've seen so many failures based on the idea 'Give up everything you believe and you'll win.' You give it up, and you don't win. Then people say 'We didn't give up enough. So we've got to give up even more.' That has been the tragedy of the Labour party since 1974; it hasn't appeared to stand for anything. People are not fools, they see that. So they say 'Better the devil we know.'

Interview for a BBC documentary 'Labour: The Wilderness Years', 1995

The Labour party has never been a socialist party, although there have always been socialists in it – a bit like Christians in the Church of England.

Date unknown

Change from below, the formulation of demands from the populace to end unacceptable injustice, supported by direct action, has played a far larger part in shaping British democracy than most constitutional lawyers, political commentators, historians or statesmen have ever cared to admit. Direct action in a democratic society is fundamentally an educational exercise.

New Politics, 1970

To some, Viscount Stansgate, better known as Anthony Wedgwood Benn, even better known as Tony Benn, had many incarnations.  was the left-wing bogeyman of late 20th century British politics. To others, he was the unrealised messiah of a socialist paradise. To others still, he was the man who was responsible for a catastrophic split in the Labour party, which led to fears it would never hold office again. And finally, he was good old Uncle Tony, the Grand Old Man of the British left whose one man shows were sell out successes. But no matter what you thought of him, you can't deny there won't be another like him.

Russian Salami Tactics

Government Chief Scientific Adviser: Prime Minister, you believe in the nuclear deterrent? 

Jim Hacker: Oh, yes.

CSA: Why? 

Hacker: Pardon? 

CSA: Why? 

Hacker: Because it deters.

CSA: Whom? 

Hacker: Pardon? 

CSA: Whom? Whom does it deter? 

Hacker: The Russians from attacking us. 

CSA: Why? 

Hacker: Pardon? 

CSA: Why? 

Hacker: They know if they launched an attack, I'd press the button. 

CSA: You would? 

Hacker: Well, wouldn't I? 

CSA: Well, would you? 

Hacker: At the last resort, yes, I certainly would... Well, I think I certainly would. Yes. 

CSA: And what is the last resort? 

Hacker: If the Russians invaded western Europe. 

CSA: You only have 12 hours to decide, so you're saying the last resort is the first response? 

Hacker: Am I? 

CSA: You don't need to worry. Why should the Russians annex the whole of Europe? They can't even control Afghanistan. No, if they try anything, it will be salami tactics. 

Hacker: Salami tactics? 

CSA: Slice by slice. One small piece at a time... So will you press the button if they invade West Berlin?

Hacker: It all depends.

CSA On what? No... Scenario one. Riots in West Berlin, buildings in flames. East German fire brigade crosses the border to help. Would you press the button...? 

Hacker: *Shakes head* 

CSA: The East German police come with them. The button...? 

Hacker: *Shakes head* 

CSA: Then some troops, more troops just for riot control, they say. And then the East German troops are replaced by Russian troops. Button...?

Hacker: *Shakes head* 

CSA: Then the Russian troops don't go. They are invited to stay to support civilian administration. The civilian administration closes roads and Tempelhof Airport. Now you press the button? 

Hacker: I need time to think about it. 

CSA: You have 12 hours. 

Hacker: Have I? You're inventing this.

CSA: You are Prime Minister today. The phone might ring now from NATO HQ. 

*PHONE RINGS* 

Bernard: Hello...? Yes. NATO HQ, Prime Minister. 

Hacker: *Looks ashen*

Bernard: Can you address their annual conference in April? 

Hacker: I thought I could... I'm not so sure now.

Yes Prime Minister, "The Grand Design", aired 9th Jan 1986.

The Wit and Wisdom of... Harold Wilson

We've got a job to do. We can only do that job as one people, and I'm going right in to start that job now.

Harold Wilson, on becoming Prime Minister for the second time, 04/03/1974. The next incoming Labour Prime Minister would not be for another 23 years.

Satirical Sting

Happy 30th birthday to Spitting Image. Yes, that really is Sting...

Election '74, Round One

With the two main parties having a roughly equal number of seats and with neither having a majority of the whole House, he has not got the renewed mandate for which he asked. But the Labour party has not got a mandate for the policies which it advocated, and Mr. Wilson has no right to pose as if it had.

In a shifting and uncertain situation one thing seems reasonably sure. The election campaign has made the public fully aware of its gravity, and they are prepared for a temporary standstill in the standard of living and whatever austerity measures are necessary.

Sunday Telegraph leader article, 03/03/1974, commenting on the results of the February 1974 general election, held on 28/02/1974.

An Arrangement with the Liberals would in any case be insufficiently stable, and Mr Thorpe seemed to be asking too much and offering too little... and a decision to face Parliament without guaranteed support to provide an overall majority would seem to many to be a discreditable attempt to hold on to power

Cabinet conclusions, 04/03/1974.

All of a sudden, the 1970s don't feel quite as far away as they used to...

The Wit and Wisdom of... Winston Churchill

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm

Winston Churchill, 1941

The Wit and Wisdom of... Robert Baden-Powell, Mk. III

The most worth-while thing is to try to put happiness into the lives of others

Letter from Robert Baden-Powell, Sept 1940

Oh Tony...

And so the phone hacking plot thickens. Today, it transpired that the defendants had received an email from Teflon Tony, one time Labour Prime Minister and now jet-setting millionaire, offering his advice on how to get them through the chaos of the collapse of the News of the World. One line really grabbed my attention:

Get them to investigate me and others and publish a Hutton style report

As in, get an inquiry to completely exonerate you of lying to invade a Middle Eastern country and fit the BBC up with the blame? Might've been hard to blame phone hacking on them...

(I should emphasise, the defendants in the phone hacking trial deny all the charges levied against them, are innocent until proven otherwise by the judgement of a jury of their peers, and the trial is still in progress. As for Mr Blair...) 

The Politics of the Rain

Whatever money is needed, we will spend it.

Thus spake David Cameron yesterday, in response to the latest 'Crisis of Excessive Weather' to hit the UK. Now, this is not to detract from the suffering of those who have been flooded. God only knows they've been having a miserable time, made worse by the seemingly useless response from the authorities, and that they need all the help the state can give them. but, money is no object? Spending without regard for the cost? Doesn't sound much like the modern Conservative party. Or indeed, any past forms of the Conservative party.

A quick look at the areas currently underwater may provide a short answer:

Somerset- 4/9 Conservative MPs
Berkshire- 7/8 Conservative MPs
Dorset- 7/8 Conservative MPs
Gloucestershire- 5/6 Conservative MPs
Worcestershire- 7/7 Conservative MPs
Oxfordshire- 6/7 Conservative MPs (including Dave)
Surrey- 11/11 Conservative MPs

Surely just a coincidence that the Tory heartlands are being promised all this money, when the rest of society has been told since 2010 that public spending must be slashed?

The other side to the argument has been over who is to blame for these floods. Poor Chris Smith, as the chairman of the Environment Agency, seems to be taking much of the blame for the flooding. Other candidates are the landowners (for owning land in areas near to a river) and, rather brilliantly, God, as a punishment for the introduction of same-sex marriages later this year.

This last point was raised by a UKIP councillor (who, it must be pointed out, has now left the party). However, there haven't yet been any gay weddings in Britain, as the legislation doesn't come into effect until March, so if this really is divine retribution, maybe it's for something which has already happened. Let's have a quick look again at where the flooding is...:

Somerset- 3 UKIP councillors, 19.9% at the 2013 local elections
Dorset- 1 UKIP councillor (no vote share given on Wikipedia)
Gloucestershire- 3 UKIP councillors, 15.2% at the 2013 local elections
Worcestershire- 4 UKIP councillor (no vote share given on Wikipedia)
Surrey- 3 UKIP councillors, 22.3% at the 2013 local elections

Just saying... Much like the pirates and global warming, I hasten to add!!